Arizona On My Mind

So, is Arizona really a state? Or are they a 5 million strong sketch-comedy group? I ask because this new anti-immigration law of theirs just begs to not be taken seriously. It would actually be hilarious if it wasn't a real thing. Read this quotation I lifted from the Boston Globe's website and drink in the comedy, "The measure requires authorities to question people about their immigration status — and allows authorities to arrest them without a warrant — if law enforcement officials have a 'reasonable suspicion' that they are in the country illegally. It also requires immigrants to carry proof of legal status at all times or risk being arrested, jailed, and fined".

Haha, hysterical, right? I didn't think it would be possible to cram so many violations of the 4th Amendment into so few sentences. For the benefit of people from Arizona, here's the actual text of the 4th Amendment to avoid confusion, "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized".

So, this new law gets off to a bad start right away, requiring authorities to question people about their immigration status. That's an unreasonable seizure right there. What do the authorities do if the person refuses to answer questions about their immigration status? Are they free to go? Then what's the point? If the new law just requires authorities to ask while leaving people free to answer "fuck you" if they feel like it, why bother wasting the paper to print it on? If, on the other hand, the police can restrain you from leaving until you answer the questions, or haul you off to the precinct or jail until you decide to answer, then you've been seized under the definition of the 4th amendment, which requires probable cause under that same 4th amendment. And probable cause doesn't mean "they're brown and they were speaking Spanish".

Next, allowing people to be arrested without a warrant... wow. You can be arrested without a warrant, generally speaking, in only two instances. A police officer actually witnesses you committing a misdemeanor, or the officer has probable cause to suspect you've committed a felony. Again, probable cause doesn't mean you're wearing a T-shirt with the Mexican flag on it. Or it's not supposed to anyway.

Then the capper, requiring LEGAL immigrants to carry around their proof of legal status at all times or be arrested and go to jail, with a hefty fine on top. How do the police know whether or not you're carrying around your proof like you're supposed to? Obviously, they'll have to stop you and ask you to drag it out for inspection. That's a search, people. The cops don't have the right to stop you on the street and demand to see your high school diploma, your credit score, or your copy of Sammy Davis Jr.'s biography; but now it's okay for them to insist you show them your birth certificate or naturalization papers or go to jail?

Look, if the cops come across you while you're fishing on public property, it's reasonable for them to ask to see your fishing license, because if you don't have one you're committing a crime. It's reasonable for them to ask to see your drivers license if they stop you while you're driving on the public roads, because, again, if you don't have one what you're doing is illegal. But if you're just walking down the street, breathing in and out, thinking about what to have for lunch, then you have the right to be secure in your person, papers, and effects from unreasonable search and seizure. In the first two examples up there, you applied for a license and part of the application was agreeing to carry the license with you and allow the authorities to inspect it on request. In the last example, well, not so much.

If you own property with a pond on it, you can fish in that pond all you want. If the cops ask to see your fishing license, tell them to fuck their mothers. When my brother's family and I went to visit our uncle, we let my 7 year old niece drive a golf cart around the golf course he's a member of, because it's private property and it's not the police or the government's damn business if we let her drive a golf cart there. She doesn't need a driver's license to drive on private roads on private property. You don't need a breathing license to walk around and consume oxygen. Not even if you're brown, speak Spanish, wear a sombrero, say "ay-yi-yi" a lot, etc. It is not reasonable for the cops to walk around assuming people are not citizens. There's no such thing as probable cause in this case, or at least I can't think of a real life situation in which a reasonable person could say that they have probable cause to suspect another person is not a legal immigrant.

When that law talks about "reasonable suspicion" (warning flags should go up right there, by the way), what it's really talking about is racism. Gov. Brewer said during the ceremony in which she signed the bill into law that "We must enforce the law evenly, and without regard to skin color, accent, or social status. We must prove the alarmists and the cynics wrong." She has also stated that she would not tolerate racial profiling. Well, that's certainly a load off my mind. I was worried that this law was a laughably transparent excuse to harass anyone that looked like they might be an illegal immigrant, but the governor's statements have reassured me that they will only be questioning people that their tricorders detect to be in the country illegally. Seriously? Did she seriously say that bullshit with a straight face? Is she making fun of us?

It is complete nonsense to assert that anybody can be trained to tell legal immigrants from illegal immigrants. Or even illegal immigrants from natural born citizens who happen to have a latino background and speak Spanish in their daily lives. Or really tan people going to a costume party. If you could, it wouldn't be necessary to pass a law allowing you to violate their 4th amendment rights to make sure. It is very, very obvious to anyone that isn't either retarded or gleefully winking at the racism shown here that what this law REALLY says is "If you look hispanic, it is open season. Papers please."

Obviously Arizona and the other border states have genuine problems resulting from immigration. Arizona in particular is transitioning from a low population state that's all white people to at least a moderate population state with a multi-ethnic composition. This transition looks to be getting ugly. But, ultimately, this law and other like it are dead ends. What happens if this law is upheld in the inevitable legal challenge (it won't be)? Are they going to systematically use this law to track down and deport every illegal immigrant in the state? That's supposed to be about 460,000 people. Sounds expensive to me. And won't they just slip back across the border? I mean they did it at least once already... Maybe put them all in prison? Taking 460,000 low wage workers and putting them in prison (paying for their room and board) for however long... sounds really, really expensive. Why not just take the money you'd use to do that and spend it on education and health care, since the major complaint seems to be that illegals are taking all the resources in those areas? Since Arizona's population is over 5 million it seems unlikely that a group less than 10% that big could be taking ALL the education and health care, but whatevs. Oh and spend some on police if drug cartels (NOT illegal immigrants, by the way) are murdering people.

Problems need solutions, not scapegoats. If you don't want to pony up the money it takes to solve your problems, fine. Start screaming to the federal government to pick up your slack and pass a bunch of racist, xenophobic laws to fill the rest of your time. It just seems strange that the same people that want the federal government to butt out of their state's affairs when they don't agree with federal policy are the very first to run screaming to that same federal government when they want brown people shot on sight if they're trying to cross the border. Or when they want a series of castles connected by walls built along the border. Or when they're huckstering for a national ID card so they can tell who's a proud american and who's a godless commie. A godless, immigrant commie. Wouldn't all of that stuff significantly increase the size and powers of the federal government?

The disconnect in their heads always amazes me. There's always unlimited money for shooting brown people, the deficit is never a problem when it comes to rounding up support for shooting brown people appropiations bills. You can't imagine a big enough government to suit them when it's time to shoot the brown people. But when it comes time to pay for anything that might improve peoples' lives, like a national health care system, suddenly we have to watch every penny, the federal budget deficit is the greatest threat to our way of life that has ever existed and we need to shrink government small enough that it will never be able to tyrannize us with free flu shots or yearly checkups. Is it ignorance? Hypocrisy? A simple hatred of brown people? I honestly don't know.

But the benefit of the doubt over here is starting to wear very, very thin.